I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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