Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
