All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize