oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
