Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
