I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
