no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
