I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
