Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
