You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
