This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
