dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
