i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
