I got chris browned last night
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I came so hard my ears popped.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
