you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
