my being single is dangerous.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
