Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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