An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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