I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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