He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize