The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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