I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
