I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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