my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
