I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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