I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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