ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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