U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
