and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize