Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
