I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
