Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
