I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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