I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
