That's intense
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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