after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
