Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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