How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
