It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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