the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
