Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
