Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You can't just leave with hair like that
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
