i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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