LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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