Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
