I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
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i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
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Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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