you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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