rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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