"it" just moved
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
