I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
