If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
