my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
