Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
