He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
