You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
