Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
