If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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