Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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