I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
