i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
