jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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