How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
