At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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