Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
