I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
