I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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