my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
