We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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