I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
