you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
